New Beginnings

Happy New Beginnings! I had to ponder this past week as to why we celebrate one day over another and does this one day in particular have any more meaning over another? Rob's response was as expected, "It is only meaningful because we assign a special value to it". I guess we are soul compadres after all. Over the past year the greatest insight I have gained is that every moment can begin anew. I can choose to restart my day at any given point. There is no yesterday or tomorrow just this one moment I am in. It is called intentional living. I also believe there is a rhythm to life and living in the Spirit. I am far from being in tune but at least I can hear it from a distance.

Christmas preparation was rhythmic. I did not venture into a single mall all season. Gifts were instead purchased from secondhand stores and a great online fair-
trade store that supports budding industries in third world countries. It was joy! I spent the year scouring one specific second hand store and found treasures amongst treasures only to be complemented by items such as olive oil from Pakistan. Of course this was all part of our "green Christmas". We decided to reduce our carbon print by purchasing and giving only used/ green gifts. This plan also included gift wrapping. This was my most favorite part of Christmas. I spent hours creatively wrapping each gift with magazine/newspaper clippings. I created handmade abstract ornaments for each family meant as a blessing. Everything was lovingly prepared more than one week in advance.I think this is a tradition I must keep.

Our Christmas cards much to my husband's disappointment were quite pedestrian. I implored that with our new venture into fundraising I felt it appropriate to have at least one suitable picture circulating. He finally acquiesced. So with that I leave you to enjoy your new year full of blessings and wisdom.

Following the Path

During our early morning beach stroll to the Argentine Cafe Rob looked back and noted our footsteps, side by side, as far back as we could see...

Rob and I had some very much needed time away in Miami this past month. There was a lot on our minds and our hearts. Too much to even process with words. The quiet company of one another was enough. Major life decisions are presenting themselves daily and it is a challenge to patiently and quietly make each decision without a clear picture of our future. It feels like we are playing tic tack toe at times.

But today I can share just a small glimpse of what our future holds. After months of prayer Rob had decided to enter into Latin American mission work. I say Latin American because he has been a missionary in the lost world of alcoholism, addiction, and mental illness for years. God has given Rob the gift of encouragement through his words and music. He shares his story as a testimony of his experience, torment and joy. His message is unique in that his pain is still very much alive.

Months ago he was asked to participate as nothing more than a gen x representative in a brainstorming session for a mission's organization. Rob was moved by the work being done with the gang members, drug addicts and prostitutes in Latin America. He realized that missionary work was as diverse as his own life experience.

So today we stand in faith following the path our God has set before us.

Catbird99

Check out this amazing new artist! Not only is he incredibly talented but his story is life inspiring. Ok, so I am may be a little impartial but don't let it fool you...it's worth checking out. His music is on iTunes. Get a sample on my blog and then go download the CD.

Robby, with the support of his wife (Yes, the ever planner years ahead ME) took the leap of faith to follow his musical dreams less than six months ago. We had no idea where the journey was taking us but it has awesome- and as a friend of ours would say: "Don't take the word Awesome in vain". It has been inspired by faith, love, compassion and healing.

Robby's music is fueled by his pain and testimony. The way he channels his history, his story is via his music. Our hope is that it would reach others that share in the pain of addiction and trauma. That it would open the hearts of the hurting.

His songs are harrowing and rock driven. But listen carefully and you will find his vulnerability hidden beneath. Catbird 99 is a rare glimpse into the soul of a very private and often mysterious man.

If you notice a hint of Beck/AIR/NIN don't be surprised...both the bass player and drummer played on Rob's album. The making of the album is a wild story in and of itself. It started with a cold call to Agent who almost hung up on the producer, Sean Johnson. But hung on long enough to hear the words Capital Records. A couple days later and a very SCRATCH track mailed, the agent called back saying the talent loved it and was willing to play. Check out the Catbird99 website www.catbird99.com for more on the back story to making the album.

If you want a CD please contact me or you can send an email to OrchidSound Studios at Cara@orchidsound.com

Studio

Oh to think I don't have any pictures to post...but alas words will have to suffice. We have been so blessed with an incredible temporary studio space for Robby and Orchidsound Studios. It is a beautiful ranch style home built years ago by an original Arizonian cowboy. Steel cow shoes hang from the curtain rods; the rooms are built with wood beams and old candle chandeliers hang amidst the musky smell of dirt and cedar. It is a beautiful home that encourages creativity and freedom. There is space to spare and the grounds are breathtaking.

This Saturday we received an alarming call and we rushed to the Studio. Just a false alarm. Whew...crisis adverted. While I waited the situation out I found myself walking the grounds. Cottontail bunnies galore, a mother quail and her babies, prairie dogs homes and the most impressive of all the wildlife living amidst the music are three delightful hawks. They have made their home in the hundred year old tree on the west corner of the property. As I approached them they watched me intently and flew from branch to branch...almost bragging about their sleek bodies and 10 foot wing span. Oh, to fly like a bird. There is a tranquility, a patience, a straight hunting birds that never ceases to amaze me. But above all they are predators. As we were leaving I noticed they were circling the grounds, no doubt with their most recent pray in site. Their was a bunny skull with left over membrane in the empty fountain- whether it was the coyotes or the hawks who knows but it reminded me of the cycle of life. From ashes to ashes.

The grounds are also filled with indigenous cacti. Prickly pear with fruit blossoms, a yummy cholla and vegetation that looks like it belongs more on the moon than on earth. Owls have made their homes in the Saguaro and hornet nests are on every window seel and column. Dead beatles line the carpets in the home. Live and death everywhere.

What more could an artist dream of than a home filled with history, tradition, musky air, life and death. If this doesn't inspire creativity I don't know what does!

We are blessed.

Some of my fav pics from my trip to chicago...

It is going to be all right

Have you ever looked into someone's eyes seeking just a glimmer of their former self. Fear is captivating. I am overwhelmed by fear tonight. Not righteous fear but instead a momentary lack of faith. Fear based in this world is nothing more than mourning the loss of a dream, expectation, belief system, coping mechanism...you name your vice. Fear is similar to sprinting towards the cliff of the Grand Canyon out of fear of heights...it is non sensical. The pain already exists so why run when the narrow path is illuminated? Because we have yet to see where the paths leads. In our human nature the pain of tumbling down the cliff seems more comforting than the thought of the pain of the unknown. Faith is the conviction in the unseen.

So it doesn't seem such a stretch to someone like myself to sit in sheer panic as I watch my loved ones stare blankly as the world passes by. I say loved ones because this week has been saturated with moments of sorrow with friends, family and sisters and brothers in Christ suffering.

But as my sage mentor has said many of times..."Feel the pain". In feeling our pain we identify the fear and are able to let it pass. Fear can be momentary when you trust in a Higher Power. You are no longer asking for control by controlling your feelings; instead you are experiencing a God given gift: The gift of feeling. Without pain I do not feel joy. For they are one in the same. Serenity; the feeling of peace in spite of the craziness of the world around you. The feeling you have in your Father's/ Mother's arms as the storms blows and lighting fills the skies.

I have developed an affinity for the monsoon season. The balmy air, uncontrollable winds, the blinding dust storms, the often sporadic down pour. This is life. Tonight I sit outside in the midst of the pending monsoon and feel the pain.

I am not sure how long this emotional monsoon will last. I know the Arizona monsoon's usually pass in single evening. Tomorrow can't come soon enough. But for tonight I am called to let the tears pour out. Bring on the monsoon...

Narrative to Previous Post

So I posted a picture of Rob and Sean at the reunion two posts ago stating that I would follow up with a narrative...so here goes!

After over a year of planning the day finally came. Rob was asked to play at a reunion we attend every year. It is not a school reunion but instead a reunion of folks that celebrate their recovery. I look forward every year to the reunion as I just bask in the beauty of Tuscon, the quiet resort we stay at and most of all the quality of time spent with loved ones.

This year had a special twist. Rob was playing his music for the first time live. Over the past year Rob has written and recorded his first album. My brother Sean was his producer, co-writer and friend throughout the process. Rob's album is recovery driven. The album is a journey thru his dark days and expressing as only music can the deep pain he shares with others who have struggled the same. By no way is the music happy or even uplifting in the traditional sense but it is deeply moving and inspiring to those who know his story.

The first portion of the weekend was just beautiful. We had dinner Friday night with the group and then as Rob ran a meeting I spent it under the stars with a dear friend sharing intimate details of life you only would in that setting. Saturday morning I woke up at 5:00 am only to realize the bus to the hike in the Catalina mountains had already left... oh, well it was meant to be. I spent the wee hours of the morning sipping my coffee and watching the sunrise. I read the paper and took some time with Jesus to just celebrate the moment. I have so much to be grateful for. Every day has been a step forward in our marriage and I wanted to take the time to celebrate and rejoice.

We had breakfast on the terrace with friends and attended a meditation workshop that included a little yoga. I was in heaven!!!!! We then took a little nap before my highlight of the weekend...my nieces arrived. We had lunch together and while the boys went to prepare for the performance the following day us girls played and swam in the pool. It is not often that I get that amount of concentrated time with my beautiful nieces. Oh, how I love them. Every bit of them. Their smile, their naughtiness, their hugs and kisses...oh I could go on forever. I believe this is what grandparents talk about when their first grandchild is born. I have the blessing of having four nieces and I just relish my time with each and everyone of them.

After the play date Rob and I attended dinner that evening that included a comedian that nearly caused me to have an accident I was laughing so hard. I even had the opportunity to attend a meeting with Rob after the dinner. But the best was still to come...

We arrived at our room located only one door down from Sean and Cate's to find them snuggling on the lounge chairs in front of the pool enjoying the starry evening. So of course we decided to join in. We stayed up way past bedtime laughing and enjoying the company of family and even more importantly our friends.

Sunday morning came by way too quick. We rushed to the rehab facility and ate a quick breakfast before heading the meeting....so here goes.

Many may not now but the picture on the front of the album is Rob's body map. What is a body map you might ask? Well, if you have ever been to a treatment center you already know but for the rest of us it is a life size contour of a person's body painted in with every injury they have experienced. Rob's is a little overwhelming. Rob started by explaining the body map and then diving right into his testimony. Each song he played was accompanied by the life experience behind it. It was sobering. Not only to the in patients but also the rest of the group. There were tears, sighs, held breaths and just sheer horror on some people's faces. Others nodded because they knew the pain.

The music was painstaking, not because it wasn't performed beautifully, but because the message was deep. When all you want to do is look away and think of pretty things you are reminded of the horror and pain that so many people carry with them every day. But if you are truly listening you will find God in each word and harmony.

There were many tears shed during what is called, the share. I was grateful. Grateful because Sean was able to part of the celebration of the disease that almost took the life of his best friend 5 years ago. Grateful because as the inpatients shared with Rob afterwards, they didn't feel so alone in their struggle. Grateful that music can express what words can't. Grateful to be the wife of man who found his passion, his purpose in life.

So that is my narrative.