So the dogs were packed and ready to spend two weeks with grandma and grandpa, Rob was running late to pick me up and take me to the airport, my sister in tears and my father on his way to Arizona to stay with the in laws. Oh and did I mention that I was late for the airport and hadn't eaten anything all day and it was 1:00 pm...ok so that was my day yesterday. But in spite of the chaos the rest of the day was a blessing. I read an entire novel on the plane (the girly kind you can only get away with buying at an airport), my luggage arrived without any hitches and the hotel is AWESOME! I love whoever designed the W hotels...so trendy, modern and yet in a historical building. I feel like I am in a 1900's sanctuary/church with a disco ball and party music 24/7. Much like the Standard Hotel in LA but without the drug scene and crazy drunk people trying to enter my room at 3 am...story for another day. We had dinner, fish and chips to be exact, and then sought out some solitude by walking the financial district until 1 am. I then relaxed in a scolding hot bath with bubbles (provided by the hotel thank to BLISS) and read all the local sites to see in the beautiful city of Chicago. I fell asleep and woke up at 7 am rested and ready to walk the city again. I found a wonderful little coffee shop next to the train station and only a couple of blocks away. I ate a cheese danish and purchased a travel coffee mug (my green effort for the day). I must have refilled my coffee mug at least 8 times today...ah caffine high! I continued walking the city until it was time to shower and begin the work day. So 15 hours later I am blogging having just finished up a working dinner and feeling inspired...not to work but to play. I wish my hubby was here! I could use his funny charm and exploration skills. I think that if Robby hadn't been a musician he would have been an explorer. It is one of the things I love about my partner...we travel great together. Every moment of every day is filled with excitement and something new. Lounging and relaxing is reserved my annual girls trip. Every other trip includes walking at least 15 miles a day! I love it and I am being serious!
Ok enough ranting and raving about nothing. Oh, except if you can't already tell I love the Windy City!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Closer Than A Brother
Our dear brother Travis moved almost two weeks ago with his fiance and stepdaughter to Ohio. Our hearts are pain striken. We miss him so much. He has been a faithful friend and brother to the both of us. He has encouraged, laughed and cried with us throughout it all. His love is undying. He knows what to say in every situation. Of course it usually includes an explative but for some reason it makes your heart smile even in the worst of situations. He sat at the hospital with me a month ago. He was the one person I could lean on. The one person that could bring peace to the situation. He was the only person Rob would allow to see him in his fagile state. His hugs bring comfort and hope. I don't know how he does it but his compassion and understanding is out of this world.
I know the friendship is not over and that he is only a phone call away, only a plane trip away and yet it is not the same. I hurt knowing that my husband longs for his friendship in a way that only a brother can. He is family. He is a brother and a best friend. What a blessing!
Stigma
First and foremost forgive my righteous indignation of a post if you can call it that...
I live with mental illness everyday in my own life, the life of my loved ones, my home and in my work. I read an article this past week that expressed what I have felt since I was a child and for the first time I saw it expressed in words and my heart jumped with excitement and joy. For the first time the medical world is redefining mental health, "being crazy", bi-polar, depressed, RAD, anxious...whatever you call it as a BRAIN DISEASE. This is nothing new. For many years we have known that mental health is caused by an increase/decrease in serotonin, that neurotransmitters connect or disconnect and a myriad of other physical symptoms cause what we know as mental health or what I now will call a brain disease.
I am sick and tired of the stigma. I am sick and tired of people that say just walk away or protect yourself and your children from those suffering. Would you say the same thing if I told you that it was cancer? Would you say just put that person in a hospital ward and leave them to die alone? Would you say that medication is just a band aid? Would you say just let them suffer? Would you blame that person for having cancer? Well, let me be the first to say that a brain disease is no different from cancer. And next time someone tells you they are suffering from a mental illness give them and their family a hug, offer to bring dinner, ask if you can help the same way you would if that person was lying in a cancer ward suffering. Don't feel sorry for them or their family. Don't ask what they did wrong or if they were always that way as a child. Don't assume their family or parents did something wrong. Don't assume God has forsaken them. God has not left their side. God loves them as He love all those suffering from illness...but do you?
I am the first to say that I am embarrassed and ashamed by brain diseases, I wonder if that isn't why I always worked in the mental health field? Was it that God gave me an extra measure of understanding, of love, compassion? And how it is that as a child I could stand outside a room and know the pain going on inside the walls without hearing a word and I condemn, judge and lack love for myself and those around me suffering? Because I am human, I am sinful, I am hurting, I am sick. And if you don't think you have your own sickness then throw the stones, God will be the judge. Again, forgive my anger. I am angry. I am angry that people pray everyday for the starving, for the AIDS stricken, for the physically challenged and never mention a word of those living everyday with a brain illness. And if you don't think it affects you here is statistic for you...one in every three people suffer from a brain disease. Look around you and I ask you if you are the exception?
And don't tell me that it is just a spiritual issue. I myself have gone through this. How many counselors just tell addicts to just pray a little more. And if you didn't already know addiction is also a disease of the brain with the same biological factors at play then any other physical disease. So pray, pray like crazy that God would heal and when He chooses not to please don't imply that God has forsaken that person or that they just didn't accept God's healing. Would you do the same of someone with Cancer?
Today I was reading Sean and Cate's blog. I heard a song by Sara Grove, "It's Going to Be All Right". Well today I believe it is going to be all right. Today I believe that I can live a full and joyous life. I, those I love and those individuals I work with will be alright not in spite of their brain disease but because of their brain disease. God gives all those suffering a measure of strength and courage of the soul that only those in desperation can receive. So don't offer any cliches and don't pretend to understand all the pain but hold onto faith that it is going to be all right. And say, we are going to be all right. Use WE because it communicates that God has not forsaken us but instead has chosen to bless us. Begin to change the world around you by identifying those suffering as blessed and not lost.
So next time you see me give me a hug. Don't ask me to run but know that I am blessed.
I live with mental illness everyday in my own life, the life of my loved ones, my home and in my work. I read an article this past week that expressed what I have felt since I was a child and for the first time I saw it expressed in words and my heart jumped with excitement and joy. For the first time the medical world is redefining mental health, "being crazy", bi-polar, depressed, RAD, anxious...whatever you call it as a BRAIN DISEASE. This is nothing new. For many years we have known that mental health is caused by an increase/decrease in serotonin, that neurotransmitters connect or disconnect and a myriad of other physical symptoms cause what we know as mental health or what I now will call a brain disease.
I am sick and tired of the stigma. I am sick and tired of people that say just walk away or protect yourself and your children from those suffering. Would you say the same thing if I told you that it was cancer? Would you say just put that person in a hospital ward and leave them to die alone? Would you say that medication is just a band aid? Would you say just let them suffer? Would you blame that person for having cancer? Well, let me be the first to say that a brain disease is no different from cancer. And next time someone tells you they are suffering from a mental illness give them and their family a hug, offer to bring dinner, ask if you can help the same way you would if that person was lying in a cancer ward suffering. Don't feel sorry for them or their family. Don't ask what they did wrong or if they were always that way as a child. Don't assume their family or parents did something wrong. Don't assume God has forsaken them. God has not left their side. God loves them as He love all those suffering from illness...but do you?
I am the first to say that I am embarrassed and ashamed by brain diseases, I wonder if that isn't why I always worked in the mental health field? Was it that God gave me an extra measure of understanding, of love, compassion? And how it is that as a child I could stand outside a room and know the pain going on inside the walls without hearing a word and I condemn, judge and lack love for myself and those around me suffering? Because I am human, I am sinful, I am hurting, I am sick. And if you don't think you have your own sickness then throw the stones, God will be the judge. Again, forgive my anger. I am angry. I am angry that people pray everyday for the starving, for the AIDS stricken, for the physically challenged and never mention a word of those living everyday with a brain illness. And if you don't think it affects you here is statistic for you...one in every three people suffer from a brain disease. Look around you and I ask you if you are the exception?
And don't tell me that it is just a spiritual issue. I myself have gone through this. How many counselors just tell addicts to just pray a little more. And if you didn't already know addiction is also a disease of the brain with the same biological factors at play then any other physical disease. So pray, pray like crazy that God would heal and when He chooses not to please don't imply that God has forsaken that person or that they just didn't accept God's healing. Would you do the same of someone with Cancer?
Today I was reading Sean and Cate's blog. I heard a song by Sara Grove, "It's Going to Be All Right". Well today I believe it is going to be all right. Today I believe that I can live a full and joyous life. I, those I love and those individuals I work with will be alright not in spite of their brain disease but because of their brain disease. God gives all those suffering a measure of strength and courage of the soul that only those in desperation can receive. So don't offer any cliches and don't pretend to understand all the pain but hold onto faith that it is going to be all right. And say, we are going to be all right. Use WE because it communicates that God has not forsaken us but instead has chosen to bless us. Begin to change the world around you by identifying those suffering as blessed and not lost.
So next time you see me give me a hug. Don't ask me to run but know that I am blessed.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
New Year
So I have decided to celebrate the fiscal calendar this year and celebrate the month of July as one of new beginnings. I recently took off a week from work for some much needed solitude. A dear girlfriend of mine reminded me of the difference between solitude and isolation. Solitude is time resting in the peace of the Lord. Isolation is loneliness. How often I confuse the two.
The week was spent in fellowship with beautiful women surrounding me in love and encouragement. It came in the form of tearful phone conversations, long chats and on the patio, hugs without words and prayer. It was beautiful.
The idea for time off came from an unexpected source, the HR department of my work. Knowing the many pains and struggles of our lives right now she encouraged me to rest so I could come back to work renewed...and that I did. I have found myself enjoying the every tasks again and companionship of my follow employees. The work I do is inspired by a deep faith that every one of my employees can and will grow into their utmost potential. My job is believe in their professional and personal potential and provide them with tasks that will cause them to grow. Every day at least one staff questions me as to whether they can actually accomplish the new task I have assigned them. I take this opportunity remind them of how far they have come and how far they will go. I love my job.
I also accomplished some organization of the sort while away from work. I was able to clean the house, do laundry and put groceries in the refrigerator. Sounds silly but there was such a sense of accomplishment with each of these very simple yet meaningful tasks. No task is to small when life seems overwhelming...every success must be celebrated.
Because I can't blog without mentioning our two beautiful pups, Philippe and Chloe I will also mention that the week included several play dates at Grandma and Grandpa's house. How they love to see Bryan. I think he is the only other being I have met with the same amount of energy as Chloe monster. They swam together often for hours. Even better was the evening and following day of nothing but sleeping which meant rest for me!
Of course, Philippe naturally leans more towards Uncle Gordon. He is more of a quiet spirit. Uncle Gordon patiently encouraged Philippe to take the big plunge off the first step in the shallow end of the pool to fetch the ball on the other end. I think Gordon must of patiently encouraged Philippe more than 15 times do this. Philippe hesitated almost every time but given the safety of Gordon's teaching spirit he would. All the while of course Chloe is independently jumping off the deep end swimming after Bryan while barking her little tail off. I guess even dogs and humans are not all that different in this aspect...
The week was spent in fellowship with beautiful women surrounding me in love and encouragement. It came in the form of tearful phone conversations, long chats and on the patio, hugs without words and prayer. It was beautiful.
The idea for time off came from an unexpected source, the HR department of my work. Knowing the many pains and struggles of our lives right now she encouraged me to rest so I could come back to work renewed...and that I did. I have found myself enjoying the every tasks again and companionship of my follow employees. The work I do is inspired by a deep faith that every one of my employees can and will grow into their utmost potential. My job is believe in their professional and personal potential and provide them with tasks that will cause them to grow. Every day at least one staff questions me as to whether they can actually accomplish the new task I have assigned them. I take this opportunity remind them of how far they have come and how far they will go. I love my job.
I also accomplished some organization of the sort while away from work. I was able to clean the house, do laundry and put groceries in the refrigerator. Sounds silly but there was such a sense of accomplishment with each of these very simple yet meaningful tasks. No task is to small when life seems overwhelming...every success must be celebrated.
Because I can't blog without mentioning our two beautiful pups, Philippe and Chloe I will also mention that the week included several play dates at Grandma and Grandpa's house. How they love to see Bryan. I think he is the only other being I have met with the same amount of energy as Chloe monster. They swam together often for hours. Even better was the evening and following day of nothing but sleeping which meant rest for me!
Of course, Philippe naturally leans more towards Uncle Gordon. He is more of a quiet spirit. Uncle Gordon patiently encouraged Philippe to take the big plunge off the first step in the shallow end of the pool to fetch the ball on the other end. I think Gordon must of patiently encouraged Philippe more than 15 times do this. Philippe hesitated almost every time but given the safety of Gordon's teaching spirit he would. All the while of course Chloe is independently jumping off the deep end swimming after Bryan while barking her little tail off. I guess even dogs and humans are not all that different in this aspect...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Leap Year
I spent the evening of my 3oth birthday exactly where I wanted to be, in my grandparent's garden surrounded by loved ones. The evening was reminiscent of my 26th birthday. Uncle Gordon had spent many hours and even days...ok maybe even weeks...preparing the garden. It was grandiose! The vibrant flowers were blooming , the smell of wet grass was intoxicating and the garden lights sparkled in the midst of the grape vines. My words can't do it justice. The table was set with china as my grandmother insisted and the salmon was divine. Dessert consisted of ice cream cake and the laughter of nieces brought nothing but pure joy to my heart.
So, why is this blog entitled Leap Year? Well my grandmother in her infinite wisdom decorated the table with frogs in order to honor the leap year. Ok, so I know that per calendar year we may be a little off but for us it is nothing but. Robby and I are walking in faith. At times it feels like we are walking in fear but this is not from the Lord. After over 11 years of Rob working for his father we took the leap of faith to follow a new path. We are unsure where this new path is taking us but we walk in God's grace. Rob has so many talents and dreams and as his wife and best friend I prayed that God would reveal in His perfect timing an opportunity to encourage parts of Rob that had been left dormant. Well, low and behold now is the time.
And what does this have to do with by birthday...well very simple. I am grateful that God allowed me to be 30 before experiencing this. I know that the wisdom I have gained over the past decade has brought me to the place I am today. Of course, I feel defeated and exasperated almost every day but as my dear best friend Shaleen reminds me...it is the eternal perspective that counts.
So, Happy Leap Year for all of you walking out in faith and doing the inexplicable and almost absurd. May God do miracles in you life as in ours.
So, why is this blog entitled Leap Year? Well my grandmother in her infinite wisdom decorated the table with frogs in order to honor the leap year. Ok, so I know that per calendar year we may be a little off but for us it is nothing but. Robby and I are walking in faith. At times it feels like we are walking in fear but this is not from the Lord. After over 11 years of Rob working for his father we took the leap of faith to follow a new path. We are unsure where this new path is taking us but we walk in God's grace. Rob has so many talents and dreams and as his wife and best friend I prayed that God would reveal in His perfect timing an opportunity to encourage parts of Rob that had been left dormant. Well, low and behold now is the time.
And what does this have to do with by birthday...well very simple. I am grateful that God allowed me to be 30 before experiencing this. I know that the wisdom I have gained over the past decade has brought me to the place I am today. Of course, I feel defeated and exasperated almost every day but as my dear best friend Shaleen reminds me...it is the eternal perspective that counts.
So, Happy Leap Year for all of you walking out in faith and doing the inexplicable and almost absurd. May God do miracles in you life as in ours.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A Growing Family
No pictures yet as I am not ready to post what our home currently looks like. But I can give you a mental picture. Rob's studio currently resides in our hallway and living room. Years worth of musical gear and 4 large boxes of mail to go through are awaiting a permanent home. Dirty dishes are sitting in the sink due to the fact that I haven't yet unloaded the clean ones. A cool purple lava lamp temporarily placed in the bathroom has become my new favorite bath light. Our bedroom pillows are on the couch and our baby blue velvet blanket is partially on the floor. Our refrigerator consists of one carton of milk and some old cheese (Yum!) and yet I am finding solice in the upheaval of it all. Maybe it is all the moves over my lifetime but I am finding myself comforted by the fact that I know the chaos means change. Change is exciting when embraced.
So what is this change you speak of, you might ask...well we are a growing family. OK, so don't get too excited...I am not pregnant. Even better. Stefi is moving in with us. Rob and have been praying since Stefi moved here on growing our family and asking her to be a part of it. I know she is already family but to co-exist in the same home is a little more intimate. To our delight she was ecstatic about the prospect. While things have been challenging to say the least over the past year we couldn't think of a better way to enrich our home than to have our beautiful sister join us on this crazy journey we call life. We have been married almost 4 years and are ready to invite her in.
Last night was her first night here. Because all her furniture is not yet out of storage and the room was not completely emptied till 5 am this morning Rob slept on the couch and Stefi slept with me. The dogs questioned only for a brief moment the visitor in the bed they call home. But Stefi quickly dispelled any hesitation by simply inviting them to come cuddle with her. Little did she know that with these simple words they would immediately jump right on top of her head and make themselves at home. It was beautiful watching my two little pups snuggled right into her as we drifted off to sleep. OK, so there was more chit chat and bathroom visits than sleeping but nevertheless it was comforting. It was a small confirmation that Stefi is meant to be in home. Of course they missed there daddy but it was only for one night.
Amazing changes. God is good!
So what is this change you speak of, you might ask...well we are a growing family. OK, so don't get too excited...I am not pregnant. Even better. Stefi is moving in with us. Rob and have been praying since Stefi moved here on growing our family and asking her to be a part of it. I know she is already family but to co-exist in the same home is a little more intimate. To our delight she was ecstatic about the prospect. While things have been challenging to say the least over the past year we couldn't think of a better way to enrich our home than to have our beautiful sister join us on this crazy journey we call life. We have been married almost 4 years and are ready to invite her in.
Last night was her first night here. Because all her furniture is not yet out of storage and the room was not completely emptied till 5 am this morning Rob slept on the couch and Stefi slept with me. The dogs questioned only for a brief moment the visitor in the bed they call home. But Stefi quickly dispelled any hesitation by simply inviting them to come cuddle with her. Little did she know that with these simple words they would immediately jump right on top of her head and make themselves at home. It was beautiful watching my two little pups snuggled right into her as we drifted off to sleep. OK, so there was more chit chat and bathroom visits than sleeping but nevertheless it was comforting. It was a small confirmation that Stefi is meant to be in home. Of course they missed there daddy but it was only for one night.
Amazing changes. God is good!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Love
This weekend I was blessed with the opportunity of participating in my sister in Christ's wedding. It was moving to watch two individuals commit themselves to Christ and one another. They came as two and left as one! I am moved by God's love and the blessings he bestows upon us as his children.
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